Guest Blog: Keeping All the Balls in the Air - The Initial Goodbye by Kori Gaff

Intro:  Kori is one of my "she-roes", simply because I have watched her over the last six years that I have known her, tackle whatever life throws at her with such poise and grace.  I applaud all military spouses for their ability to literally "keep all the balls in the air".  But, she holds a special place in my heart, because she is my friend.  I asked her to Guest Blog because I don't think that most people fully appreciate the sacrifices that the families make as well as the military personnel, and, also because she makes it look soo easy.

Shes an incredible woman, a force to be reckoned with, a mother, a wife, a rose by any other name...

I have been lucky enough to get her to commit to a 4 part series on deployments and getting through them.  In each post she will give suggestions, and let you know how it went and how she is dealing with it.

A. The initial goodbye
B. In the swing of things
C. Getting ready for the return
D. Readjusting to his return

Kori:
I am a 33 yr old mother of 2, step mother of 1. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, he has been a Marine for 17.


I have to say that I wasn't completely oblivious to what this lifestyle had in store for me when I entered it. I was an Air Force brat (which means I was the kid of someone in the Air Force). So I knew about moving a lot, I knew that service members can go away (to where ever) for long periods of time. That being said, there is a huge difference between being a kid and going through it and being an adult going through it.

The kind (please note the sarcasm) people in charge decided that part of the unit should leave 2 weeks before Christmas. My husband being part of that group. So for the second Christmas in a row I had to be mommy and daddy for my kids. Holding it all together and making the holiday season a fun time for them.

Right now I am pretty much still in the "this sucks" stage of deployment. Cause lets face it, deployments suck. But you have to get past that, no matter how hard that may seem. So right now for me its about planning and routine. My son is in kindergarten, so the routine of the school year is (mostly) my friend. We have a set time frame for things. He goes to and gets out of school at set times, and that alone seems to help time go by. I also try to plan 1 thing a week to look forward to. It may be a birthday party, or dinner at a friends house. I write it on the calendar, point it out to the kids and we get excited as that day gets closer. If I'm lucky every couple of months there is something big to look forward to. Someone coming to visit, maybe my mom or dad, or a friend of the family. It's great for all of us, it means a break for me, and it's something exciting and different for the kids.

There are days that I marvel at my ability to do this. There are bad days, where it feels like I'm counting the seconds until the kids bedtime and I can have a glass of wine and relax or just let myself feel bad. Those days happen, it's not always easy to be strong and have it all together. When I have bad days there are a couple of things that I do to pull myself out of it. I am finding this time around that exercise is helping. It clears my head and the endorphins help make me feel better. This is a new thing for me, so I'll keep you posted on how long I last with it. TALK, talk to friends, talk to family, talk to anyone willing to listen and be supportive. I also make sure I talk to someone who will be supportive but will also say, okay, time to suck it up and move on. Faith also plays a big part for me. You can attend church, talk to a pastor/priest (whomever). I prefer just to converse with God in my own home. I can be sad, or beligerant, whatever spirit moves me at that moment and let God have it, so to speak. At the end of the day there are only so many things that I can really control, when I've reached my limit (probably even before that), its time to give it to God.

I feel that I have to be strong for 4 people. I am strong for my kids, of course, they need to know its okay to miss daddy and to be sad, but we are going to be just fine. Momma has this under control. I have to have it together for myself, I do not function well when I feel out of control for to long. There are times you have to put on your big girl panties and just suck it up. I also have to be strong for my husband. He is off doing who knows what, he needs to know that I am okay and that things at home are going to run as they normally do, or as close to it as possible. Sure I let him know that I (we) miss him and he knows that some days are better than others but at the end of the day the most important thing is that he knows other then that we love him, is that he doesn't need to worry, cause I've got this.

Sheree's Favorite Quotes from this post: - "I feel that I have to be strong for 4 people. I am strong for my kids, of course, they need to know its okay to miss daddy and to be sad, but we are going to be just fine. Momma has this under control."