Confession Time..

I am always amazed by the many blogs I read daily and how perfectly open and honest many of these bloggers are.  I often think I could never reveal the most intimate parts of my life to perfect strangers.  Over the past month, I have been doing what most people do at the beginning of the year, reevaluate their lives and see where they can make changes.  And, like most, one of my new years resolutions was to be healthier this year.  Lose weight, move more yadda yadda.  

I wrote out my goals, made a vision board and promised to hold myself accountable, dubbing this year "The Year of Accountability."  Along with that accountability, I was going to have to accept some things about myself that I could not change and also some things that I could change.  So, I decided that I was going to open up and make myself vulnerable in hopes that this would push me to greater heights.  

So here are my confessions for 2012.  The first one which literally pains me to write, I AM A DIABETIC.  The second one is that I am far from my goal weight, I lack energy and motivation.  I read about every subject that interests me and I learn everything I can on that subject.  But, one subject that I have shy'ed away from is... Diabetes.  I don't think I really wanted to know and I just didn't want to accept the damage that I was doing to my body, by not paying more attention, testing more often and accepting that I was the only one who could change my diagnosis.  I rejected the INSULIN because I felt it made me gain weight and hold on to weight.  I ignored the fact that my eyes aren't what they were since my diagnosis.  And, I straight out ignored the fact that I needed to change my diet and exercise in order to again be in control of my own life.

Those things are all very sad.  Because even though I consider myself to be proactive, I was not being proactive in a place where it was most important, my health.  I almost feel like I was hiding inside of my own creativity, finding projects, and events to throw my energy into that didn't require me to take a risk, or just take action.

So this year, I promise myself and my readers that I am going to change that.  I am going to start reading everything I can about my disease.  I am going to start exercising so that I can be healthy.  I am going to put my health before my hair, my looks, and all the trivial things, that I let be a hindrance and I finally am going to put me first.  Only I can control this disease and by extension "me".

I hope that you guys will indulge me as I go on this journey.